I came from an interracial family, where my Dad is a Chinese and my Mom is a Malay. For decades my family members are surrounded by all sort of races. For example, my Dad's Godmother is an Indian and my Mom's best friend is a Chinese. Since small we were taught by our Dad to differentiate people by their hearts, not based on their skin colours. In other words, my sister and I grew up to be a 'colour blind' person.
I did quite a lot of travelling. Either in or out of Malaysia, when people ask me "What are u?" My answer will always be "Malaysian", not Chinese, not Malay. Recently, due to PRU13, people keep on asking me, "Hey, u pilih mana? Melayu atau Cina?" I was stunt. Never in my life I was asked to choose which race do I favour more. And the worst part is, some were fighting based on race instead of the party itself. Let me tell you why do I love to stay in Penang so much. Inspite of a beautiful island, Penang is an island where you can see a lot of interracial activities. I always see Malay, Chinese and Indian hanging out together such as in kopitiam, by the seaside or simple as at mamak's stall. There is no barrier language since most of them understand and speak Hokkien and Malay. If you don't trust me, go to the market. There, you can find Malay and Indian talking in Hokkien and Chinese speaking fluently Penang's Malay dialect. Some Penangite especially the younger generation has forgotten how beautiful this can be. How this can bring harmony and peace towards our country. Politic and Race are 2 different matters. I am sad to find out some of them trying to ruin this, using race as the main objective to win people's vote.
Regardless BN or PR wins, I am still proud to be call Malaysian, neither Chinese nor Malay.
Sunday 5 May 2013
Monday 15 April 2013
How do you wake up the next morning knowing your friend won’t be in your life anymore?
When you lose someone you love, you may feel a lot of nothing, at first. It is a numb shock as your mind sits very still within your body and the words keep echoing over and over in empty halls. Everything outside will clamour around you with its normal, blatant brightness, while inside, in shock, you sit blindly without lights, without noise, without feeling; reluctant to understand.
I went on autopilot to survive because trying to absorb such an enormous shock was not an option. Nothing seemed real. In the beginning everyone was running around trying to make me feel better, so my grief went on hold. At times I would withdraw from talking about Azrul's death. My sister wanted to talk about him everyday, but I would often come home not wanting to talk at all. The fact is, I never want to talk about Azrul simply because my greatest fear is accepting that he is never coming home. I'll do anything in the world to make sure I'd avoid the feelings and thoughts.
But somehow it started to face me...
With all emotions and energy flying around, I weren’t sure who I were anymore, and I were channelling energy in all the wrong directions. I started to play the “what if” game in my thoughts each day. Once you let it in, it can consume you. I was not so much exhausted with the process of grief, but more about how busy my mind had become with everything but that. I would lie awake at night going over and over how, why, or what if. I became obsessed, convinced that if I worked out how, I could change that day or blame someone else, I could somehow bring him back.
Then I got angry. I got angry at those Suluks who had killed him. There are times where I hold a grudge towards them and drafted out a murder plot against them. How crazy am I for having that thought? Well at that particular time, it doesn't sound ridiculous at all.
There were guilt too, days of it.
"What could I have done that I didn't do? I've been there, the exact place where he was killed and why didn't I found out earlier of this? Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that?" I was wrestling with a cactus, and although, at first, the pain of these wounds might seem to overwhelm the greater agony, I knew that I mustn't let the stinging splinters stay.
Then bargaining came in. I offered everything I have, anything in the world in exchange for just one more day with him so I could tell him how courageous and great friend he is. When the bargaining has failed and the guilt and anger are too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.
Honestly, I am not good in dealing with emotions especially when it comes to loosing someone that is close to my heart. There were days where I called my 'bestest' friend and cried like a child. He told me not to hold my feelings, feel whatever I was feeling then and now, so I could tell others in future how to handle and overcome grief.
They say time heals everything...But I'm still waiting.
Al-Fatihah to my dearest late friend, Azrul.
I went on autopilot to survive because trying to absorb such an enormous shock was not an option. Nothing seemed real. In the beginning everyone was running around trying to make me feel better, so my grief went on hold. At times I would withdraw from talking about Azrul's death. My sister wanted to talk about him everyday, but I would often come home not wanting to talk at all. The fact is, I never want to talk about Azrul simply because my greatest fear is accepting that he is never coming home. I'll do anything in the world to make sure I'd avoid the feelings and thoughts.
But somehow it started to face me...
With all emotions and energy flying around, I weren’t sure who I were anymore, and I were channelling energy in all the wrong directions. I started to play the “what if” game in my thoughts each day. Once you let it in, it can consume you. I was not so much exhausted with the process of grief, but more about how busy my mind had become with everything but that. I would lie awake at night going over and over how, why, or what if. I became obsessed, convinced that if I worked out how, I could change that day or blame someone else, I could somehow bring him back.
Then I got angry. I got angry at those Suluks who had killed him. There are times where I hold a grudge towards them and drafted out a murder plot against them. How crazy am I for having that thought? Well at that particular time, it doesn't sound ridiculous at all.
There were guilt too, days of it.
"What could I have done that I didn't do? I've been there, the exact place where he was killed and why didn't I found out earlier of this? Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that?" I was wrestling with a cactus, and although, at first, the pain of these wounds might seem to overwhelm the greater agony, I knew that I mustn't let the stinging splinters stay.
Then bargaining came in. I offered everything I have, anything in the world in exchange for just one more day with him so I could tell him how courageous and great friend he is. When the bargaining has failed and the guilt and anger are too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.
Honestly, I am not good in dealing with emotions especially when it comes to loosing someone that is close to my heart. There were days where I called my 'bestest' friend and cried like a child. He told me not to hold my feelings, feel whatever I was feeling then and now, so I could tell others in future how to handle and overcome grief.
They say time heals everything...But I'm still waiting.
Al-Fatihah to my dearest late friend, Azrul.
Thursday 4 April 2013
Bizzare Food: Balut
What is it? Balut is a boiled 18 days old fertilized duck embryo egg, containing the partially formed embryo of a duck, surrounded by egg. Imagine a tiny, half-formed head, a bit of a beak, formative guts and bones and the odd feather, all surrounded by egg and you’ve got balut. It’s not a pretty sight. When I first had someone describe to me what Balut is, I genuinely thought they were having me on. Though a snack much beloved in some part in Borneo, balut to us is a torture of an item, a bizarrely-conceived if not abjectly demonic dish. I threw up the moment they cracked the shell open and tipped it up to suck out the juice. It is one of the the most disturbing delicacy I've ever seen in my life.
My question is not about the food itself, rather why someone decided to eat this in the first place? Some claim that balut has ‘aphrodisiac’ qualities, hrmmmm..I wonder if it's true.
My question is not about the food itself, rather why someone decided to eat this in the first place? Some claim that balut has ‘aphrodisiac’ qualities, hrmmmm..I wonder if it's true.
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| Could you eat the fetus of a duck...just days from hatching? |
Tuesday 26 March 2013
Support Malaysian Heroes
100% of our T-shirt profit goes directly to our troops in Ops Daulat, in the form of 'care package'. My sister and I were inspired to create this care package when one of our close friends (more to the brother we never had) was killed in an ambush by a group of armed Suluk in Kg.Sri Jaya, Semporna, while our brother, uncle and friends are still serving in Ops Daulat.
We have read one of the blo...g entries written by U.S Marine veteran himself recalling that packages n letters were what kept them going on during the hard time. After reading it, we begin to think of all the care packages we could do for our warriors to keep them going while they are battling in Ops Daulat.
These people protect the very freedom Malaysian have become accustomed to and the land we held close to our hearts. They deserve the never ending thanks and supports of the Malaysian people. One way to thank the men serving in Ops Daulat is to send them care packages. They have left their homes, families, and friends to serve in Lahad Datu and Semporna. Regardless where the person is stationed, being away from familiar sorroundings are difficult.
This is where a care package comes to play. Whether sending the package to a family member, friend, or total stranger, showing the true appreciation these people deserve for the sacrifices they are making will not only make their day, but we as the sender's as well. Men serving in Ops Daulat are away from their families for extended periods of time. Few have sons or daughters born while they are away, many must leave their little ones behind for someone else temporaly raise while they serve the country. When placed in perspective, it is hard to imagine that something as simple as care package makes a difference, but it does, big time! Just saying "Thank You' and showing enough love to take time to prepare and send a token of appreciation not only helps keep our warriors spririts up, but also reminds them of why they are serving in the first place: To protect this great country and the citizens that live within it.
So, what will we send to them? What are the items in the care package?
The items don't have to be costly or elaborate. They can be practical, sentimental, or to share with the whole teams/troops. It can put smiles on your warriors' face and let them know that they are always on our mind.
1. Coffee
2. Maggie
3. Canned Food
4. Power Bars
5. Crackers/ Assorted Biscuits/ Homade Cookies
6. Sunflower Seeds
7. Sweets and Chewing Gum
It is important that these care packages get there. Whether a huge care package party, or just a few friends and neighbours wanting to send a couple of boxes. Our warriors personnel stationed miss home, their family, their friends and the lifestyle that they are accustomed to. Sending a care package with some reminders of Malaysia, gives them a little piece of the country they are fighting to protect. It also provides them with the knowledge that the people they are protecting are thinking of them, and care enough to send something as simple as a box of cookies. When you are stationed far away from your family, a box of cookies really isn't simple at all :)
For those who has purchased our T-shirts, we say 'Thank You' for your support. For those who are interested in supporting us in future, you are most welcome. You will not only wearing our tees to show your support but at the same time you are helping our warriors to get through the hard times.
Let us all together pray for Sabah and our HEROES to come home safe.
We have read one of the blo...g entries written by U.S Marine veteran himself recalling that packages n letters were what kept them going on during the hard time. After reading it, we begin to think of all the care packages we could do for our warriors to keep them going while they are battling in Ops Daulat.
These people protect the very freedom Malaysian have become accustomed to and the land we held close to our hearts. They deserve the never ending thanks and supports of the Malaysian people. One way to thank the men serving in Ops Daulat is to send them care packages. They have left their homes, families, and friends to serve in Lahad Datu and Semporna. Regardless where the person is stationed, being away from familiar sorroundings are difficult.
This is where a care package comes to play. Whether sending the package to a family member, friend, or total stranger, showing the true appreciation these people deserve for the sacrifices they are making will not only make their day, but we as the sender's as well. Men serving in Ops Daulat are away from their families for extended periods of time. Few have sons or daughters born while they are away, many must leave their little ones behind for someone else temporaly raise while they serve the country. When placed in perspective, it is hard to imagine that something as simple as care package makes a difference, but it does, big time! Just saying "Thank You' and showing enough love to take time to prepare and send a token of appreciation not only helps keep our warriors spririts up, but also reminds them of why they are serving in the first place: To protect this great country and the citizens that live within it.
So, what will we send to them? What are the items in the care package?
The items don't have to be costly or elaborate. They can be practical, sentimental, or to share with the whole teams/troops. It can put smiles on your warriors' face and let them know that they are always on our mind.
1. Coffee
2. Maggie
3. Canned Food
4. Power Bars
5. Crackers/ Assorted Biscuits/ Homade Cookies
6. Sunflower Seeds
7. Sweets and Chewing Gum
It is important that these care packages get there. Whether a huge care package party, or just a few friends and neighbours wanting to send a couple of boxes. Our warriors personnel stationed miss home, their family, their friends and the lifestyle that they are accustomed to. Sending a care package with some reminders of Malaysia, gives them a little piece of the country they are fighting to protect. It also provides them with the knowledge that the people they are protecting are thinking of them, and care enough to send something as simple as a box of cookies. When you are stationed far away from your family, a box of cookies really isn't simple at all :)
For those who has purchased our T-shirts, we say 'Thank You' for your support. For those who are interested in supporting us in future, you are most welcome. You will not only wearing our tees to show your support but at the same time you are helping our warriors to get through the hard times.
Let us all together pray for Sabah and our HEROES to come home safe.
" Its them who salute the flag, who serve beneath the flag,
And whose coffins are draped by the flag "
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Heroes are Humans
Heroes are something we create, something we need. It's a way for us to understand what's almost incomprehensible, how people could sacrifice so much for us. As for my uncle and my friends (who are now battling in Ops Daulat, Semporna), the risks they are taking, the wounds they are suffering, they do that for their country. Inspite of fighting for their country, some died for their friends, for the man in front, for the man beside him. And just for that, they are my heroes.
You see, being in a battle doesn't only required physical readiness but mental and emotion play their part too. To be awakened by a text or a call from one of them in the middle of the night, saying that they were scared of not returning alive by tomorrow, that really hit me. Some called and cried after having nightmare of their late friend, who had been killed in the battle. They fear of death, fear of never being able to see their families again and thus fear of losing what they are fighting for in the first place: defending our land.
The memories of their loved ones grieve their hearts. They often feel like reaching out to their near ones and sharing their grieve with them but their duty towards their nation deprives them of these opportunities. While guarding the place day and night, while being away from their near ones, they deprived of all the little joys we are having right now. There is no certainty that they will return home when they want to.
Try to put yourself in their shoes, would you ever possibly survive?
Our heroes have marched to the boundaries of our nation to serve our motherland. We can at least take a small step forward to help them cope with their affliction and bring smiles to their faces.
Check out our Facebook Page, 'Support Malaysian Heroes' or my next entry, to find out what can you do to help them.
You see, being in a battle doesn't only required physical readiness but mental and emotion play their part too. To be awakened by a text or a call from one of them in the middle of the night, saying that they were scared of not returning alive by tomorrow, that really hit me. Some called and cried after having nightmare of their late friend, who had been killed in the battle. They fear of death, fear of never being able to see their families again and thus fear of losing what they are fighting for in the first place: defending our land.
The memories of their loved ones grieve their hearts. They often feel like reaching out to their near ones and sharing their grieve with them but their duty towards their nation deprives them of these opportunities. While guarding the place day and night, while being away from their near ones, they deprived of all the little joys we are having right now. There is no certainty that they will return home when they want to.
Try to put yourself in their shoes, would you ever possibly survive?
Our heroes have marched to the boundaries of our nation to serve our motherland. We can at least take a small step forward to help them cope with their affliction and bring smiles to their faces.
Check out our Facebook Page, 'Support Malaysian Heroes' or my next entry, to find out what can you do to help them.
"We crawl into our bed with pillows and try to get comfortable.
They crawl under tanks for shades and 5 minutes nap only to be awoken by gunfires"
They crawl under tanks for shades and 5 minutes nap only to be awoken by gunfires"
Sunday 3 March 2013
A Friend, A Brother & A Fallen Hero
I had a hard time to write this entry. Knowing that I have to start somewhere, as someone told me that writing does help in recovering your sorrow and pain. The worst part of losing someone is to realise that we will not seeing them again. We start wondering if we ever had the chance to say goodbye, what would we say?
I had once been rescued by a young gentleman, Lans Koperal Azrul (who is a friend and the brother I never had) from a local Suluk's captivation back in November 2012, in Semporna. This is the exact sentence used by him, "Biar aku mati asalkan hang selamat". Putting other people first before himself is the kind of who Azrul was. When his team was ambushed at Kg.Simunul, I knew that he fought till the very last of his breath.
To received a call upon his death is not the worst part but to hear how he was killed is. His body was found lying on the jetty where his head was chopped off and fell into the sea.
Emotionally, I'd lost it. I find myself just being a child who couldn't stop crying.
To Amira and Azrul's family, if you are reading this...Azrul was a courageous hero who stood strong and fought to defend the land we hold close to our hearts. His death is a devastating loss for our country, and he deserves our deepest gratitude for making the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you for raising a brave hero, a defender of our country freedoms. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'll always be in debt to him who gave his live so we may live ours. He will always live on in my heart and never be forgotten.
I had once been rescued by a young gentleman, Lans Koperal Azrul (who is a friend and the brother I never had) from a local Suluk's captivation back in November 2012, in Semporna. This is the exact sentence used by him, "Biar aku mati asalkan hang selamat". Putting other people first before himself is the kind of who Azrul was. When his team was ambushed at Kg.Simunul, I knew that he fought till the very last of his breath.
To received a call upon his death is not the worst part but to hear how he was killed is. His body was found lying on the jetty where his head was chopped off and fell into the sea.
Emotionally, I'd lost it. I find myself just being a child who couldn't stop crying.
To Amira and Azrul's family, if you are reading this...Azrul was a courageous hero who stood strong and fought to defend the land we hold close to our hearts. His death is a devastating loss for our country, and he deserves our deepest gratitude for making the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you for raising a brave hero, a defender of our country freedoms. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'll always be in debt to him who gave his live so we may live ours. He will always live on in my heart and never be forgotten.
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| Mohd Azrul Tukiran (September 23, 1986 - March 3, 2013) (Picture taken during our first trip to Mabul Island back in 2009) |
Thursday 21 February 2013
The Upside-Down House! :)
Tamparuli, district of Tuaran, Sabah.
The first of it's kind in Southeast Asia and among the five upside-down structures in the world (3 are found in Europe and another in Japan). It has been listed in Malaysia Book of Records as the 1st Upside-Down House in Malaysia!
Guided tour is provided, and no photography allowed inside the house. Only a small group of visitors, 5-6 people are allowed to enter the house at a time. Lucky for me, I was the only visitor who arrived at that particular hour.
The house itself is hard to miss, having been flipped upside down, with its floor facing skyward. Everything inside the house, from furniture to household appliances, hover above your head, as the ceiling is actually the floor. It might seem disorienting in the first few seconds, but the fascination of it all takes over.
Similar to Germany’s ‘The World Stands on its Head’ upside-down home, the Upside-Down House in Sabah is a childhood fantasy come to life.
Watch out, you might get dizzy for not getting used of its upside-down orientation! : )
The first of it's kind in Southeast Asia and among the five upside-down structures in the world (3 are found in Europe and another in Japan). It has been listed in Malaysia Book of Records as the 1st Upside-Down House in Malaysia!
Guided tour is provided, and no photography allowed inside the house. Only a small group of visitors, 5-6 people are allowed to enter the house at a time. Lucky for me, I was the only visitor who arrived at that particular hour.
The house itself is hard to miss, having been flipped upside down, with its floor facing skyward. Everything inside the house, from furniture to household appliances, hover above your head, as the ceiling is actually the floor. It might seem disorienting in the first few seconds, but the fascination of it all takes over.
Similar to Germany’s ‘The World Stands on its Head’ upside-down home, the Upside-Down House in Sabah is a childhood fantasy come to life.
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| In the garage, Kancil is parked upside-down. |
Watch out, you might get dizzy for not getting used of its upside-down orientation! : )
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